Jatana Bowling

Name of Tip: Keep Loved Ones Close

Name: Jatana Bowling, 37

Description: Keep your loved ones close no matter what stage you are at in your life or what you’re going through. You’ll do right by them by holding them close, always thinking about them, and not forgetting that they are there even if they are not with you. If you are unable to be a part of your loved ones’ lives, keeping them close can help with depression, tough struggles, homelessness, and survival. It can also strengthen your spirit and spiritual connection because you’ll turn to that more because of them. Don’t ever give up because they will always be there waiting.

Keeping them close in your mind and heart can motivate you to keep going in tough situations, like an addiction program or even staying in a shelter. It motivates you to do better for yourself so that you can do better for them. This can have its ups and downs. Sometimes, you may feel happy, energetic, and ready to start a program to better yourself and get closer to them physically. On other days, you may be sad because you miss them. But at the same time, you know that you have to keep going to be with them physically again one day.

Instructions: The way to hold someone dear to your heart is to memorize all your memories of them: the good times, bad times, sad times, happy events, family events, birthdays, and whatever. That’s how to hold them close. These memories can include the little things: their laugh, smile, and freckles; how their hair smells; or how they wear their clothes. Things they like and don’t like, a favorite flower or a favorite color. That’s how to keep someone close.

Once you think about memories, you see them in other things. You may listen to a song and think about a loved one because the song says that they like a rose, or maybe it even says a name that is the same as your loved one. You really start to see the little things in other people’s everyday lives. This helps you keep them in your mind.

Learning: I learned that carrying loved ones close helped me when I struggled with the task at hand, like being in an addiction program or staying in a shelter. It may be a grandma, a child, or a mom—they love us just like we love them and will always be there waiting. It helped me stay positive and do what they asked of me to reach my full potential, get back the everyday life that I used to have, and eventually be with my family again. It all goes back to motivation; keeping them close to your heart and mind is always motivating you to do better. I didn’t learn it all at once. I had to go backward a few times and do things over, but eventually, I got it, and I’m still working on it.

When you are in a cloud, in a crisis, and not thinking clearly, you sometimes block out what needs to be done—what you must think about to improve. Don’t go into a program thinking, “Oh, my kids are taken care of,” or “My grandma is taken care of; my mom does not miss me,” because they do. They need and miss you and want you to do better. So, keep them close and always know that you are worthy and that they believe you’re worthy. They will always be there for you, no matter what. That’s what family is for.

Story: When I was 35, I was in Talbert House, a residential addiction treatment center. My kids were not with me; they were in another state. All I had left were memories of my kids. I kept them close to my heart. Before entering the addiction treatment center, I was on the streets, and that was tough because I was without them then, too. Memories of them actually helped me admit myself to the program.

When I was in addiction treatment, there were other women there who were without their kids. Some were a little further along in the program than I was, so they got to see their kids regularly, whereas I did not. They would come back to the treatment center after their visitation and tell me about what they did with their kids, and it really made me think. The women would tell me about their kid’s birthdays or graduation. There was one graduation party for a daughter who graduated fifth grade; mine was nowhere near that grade. I started thinking, “I’m going to miss out on that if I don’t stay in this program. I’ve already missed so much, so I really wanted to make it work and be a part of their lives again in the future.”