Title of Tip: No, A One-Word Sentence
Name: Jaleesa Dillingham, 35
Statement: Be who you are and do what you feel is right, regardless of what everyone else does. Never let someone else’s influence alter your integrity. When you’re out and about with friends and a situation comes up, and what they want is not necessarily something you’re comfortable with, being able to say no is very hard and takes practice. Saying no will bring you a sense of pride and satisfaction. Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.

Instructions: Step one is realizing you have a voice. Step two is knowing you have the right to use your voice. Practice how you will say no if you are not okay with what is happening and do not want to participate. Sometimes, you have to be straightforward: “Hey, this is not cool.” Sometimes, you can make an excuse: “Hey, I have to pick up my kids,” or “My mom is waiting for me.” Step three is knowing people should respect your voice and your decisions; if they don’t, that’s on them. Don’t waste your time with those people. Go with your gut because you know right from wrong. Do what’s right, whether or not you get recognition. Ultimately, you won’t sacrifice yourself and what you believe in.
Learning: I was a pushover. You could say, submissive in any situation. I always said, “Yeah, okay”. This got me into sticky situations. It’s like doing something you don’t want to do and taking one for the team, even when you know the team would have never done the same thing for you. I’ve struggled with standing up for myself throughout life, so I had to learn that No was a complete sentence. I had to learn that just because everybody else was doing something, didn’t mean I had to do it, too. Going with the flow can get somebody hurt. At some point, I realized I wasn’t willing to go with the crowd; there were some things I was willing to do and others I wasn’t. Saying no is my inner self and makes me feel stronger knowing I can say it again, whatever the consequences. It’s doing what I know I should, whether anybody’s looking or if it upsets this person or that person. I taught myself and others that sometimes, no is just no. If we don’t have it, we don’t need it, or if we want it, we will have to earn it. Sometimes, the easiest way is not the best, especially when somebody is at risk. I learned by making mistakes and telling myself that next time, things will be different, I will make better decisions, and I will be mindful of my actions and how they affect others.Story: My friend’s little brother was getting Adderall pills for ADHD. One time, we needed some money, so she suggested we take the Adderall pills her mother left in the car. We could get 12 to 15 bucks for each pill. There’s a limit to what you will and won’t do, you know what I mean. It’s a hard struggle sometimes to see the difference. You need money for drugs, alcohol, and a place to stay, and sometimes that takes priority. We had stayed in a car for about two weeks and had half the money for a hotel room for the next two weeks. She decided she was going to sell the prescription, and we would have drugs and cash and somewhere to stay for another two weeks instead of waiting for money from the building and cleaning work we were getting paid for. She said that they would never know who had taken it. I wasn’t okay with it. It’s a kid’s pills, so I did not want any part because that’s something that you don’t do. She got mad at me because I would not get in the car. She was afraid to get in the car alone because she needed someone to take the fall or share the blame. I was not willing to be the other accomplice, be the fall guy. I just left her, and she could not take them because they would have known she was the one who did it. Saying no made me feel like I had set boundaries and that she understood no meant no. It allowed me to believe in myself, to repeat it when necessary, and to be firm with my decision. It made me believe that I could make my own decisions, and the answer, no, was a one-word sentence.