Name of Tip: Can We Talk?
Name: Mike Speckter, 66
Description: Listen to those who want advice, and then offer the best guidance you can give.
Instructions: Listening is something that you really can’t teach. Everyone needs to learn it on their own. It starts by asking someone, “Can we talk?” Then, just let them talk. I don’t interrupt. Ensure they are done talking before saying anything because if you interrupt them, they might lose track of what they’re going to say. So, you wait until they are completely done and then say something. Hopefully, you say the right thing.
Learning: When I was 13, young girls would come up to me and ask if they could talk to me. They would say they had a problem, and I would say, “Yeah.” We would walk around the block, and they would talk to me. Other girls would say, “We hear you’re a good listener; can we talk?” Suddenly, these young girls who had never met me were knocking on my door and saying, “We hear you’re a good listener; can we talk?” One girl knocked on my door, and I told her I had plans, and she said, “Who’s more important, me or your friends?” Then she said, “You better see me straight up.” I said, “Okay, let’s talk.” So again, we walked around the block and talked, and she’d say, “Thanks for letting me get it off my chest,” or “Thanks for listening.” Like I said, that’s what made me a good listener.
I let them talk until I knew they were done, and then I would say something I knew was right because she didn’t slap me or cuss me out. I’ve been cussed out because I’ve said the wrong thing, so I’ve learned from experience when to talk, when not to talk, what to say, what not to say. They literally thank me and say, “Thanks for being there, thanks for listening,” and, “We appreciate it.” I started to feel like Lucy on Snoopy because people always approached me, but I’m a kid. What do I know? It felt good that people I had never met were coming to me and trusting me. They knew that I wasn’t going to tell anybody their secrets.
Story: The only time I really got scared was when this girl called me and threatened to kill herself. The only reason she wanted to kill herself was that no one would ask her out. She was gorgeous, and I had no idea why no guy would ask her out. She should have had dates lined up from here to forever—all kinds of dates. She talked with me, and I helped her out. Last I heard, she was happily married.
